Yesterday, I underwent an exploratory surgical procedure to check the neurostimulator and lead on the left side of my chest and brain. My neurosurgeon made an incision behind my ear and was able to go into the connector that joins the lead from the brain to the extension wire going to the neuostimulator.
She tested the integrity and viability of the extension/neurostimulator, and it checked out fine. I had known that it probably would, but still, I had hoped.
The lead going into the brain, however, seems to be damaged. That means that it has to come out. And be replaced. I am not looking forward to this, because I remember how much pain I had last time.
But I need to focus on two things:
1) every surgical experience is different;
and most importantly,
2) if all goes well, I'll be able to do all the things that I had been doing before this happened.
I have until Wednesday, November 24th--27 days--to focus on staying healthy and keeping a positive attitude.
The 24th is the day before Thanksgiving, which is rather appropriate, because I have SO MUCH to be thankful for: I can drive (when I'm not on pain medication). I can walk and stand without assistance. I'm able to clean my house (I often choose not to, because there are other things I'd rather do). I can walk the dog and stroll with my husband to the Lake Harriet Rose Garden where we got married. I have a wonderful, gentle, caring husband who tells me several times daily how much he loves me. I have two handsome, intelligent, compassionate sons who will make the world a better place. Paul has a well-paying job that he likes most of the time. We have loving, supportive families, most of whom are no more than 3 hours away. We have our own home in a beautiful neighborhood with great neighbors. I have good friends who don't mind that I wiggle or trip or take a long time to say what I want to say. We have more than enough to eat. We have health insurance. I do not live in a place where I have to deal with war, violence, poverty, hunger, homelessness or environmental disasters on a daily basis. I can still type my thoughts and feelings, although it takes me much longer now and I make a lot of mistakes. I can still speak and express myself, and I live in a country that allows me to do that. And I can still hope. That is more than enough.
